Everglades: Gators (with more Geriatrics)

Another reason the boats were slow other than for the geriatrics is because they make too much noise for the gators.  In case you do want to see some gators without the thrill of a fan boat, the park rangers give you directions to a road parallel to a river filled with leathery, snappy faces.  No, and I don’t mean the geriatrics from the previous post.  Bonus points if you get that reference.

That gator was less than 10 yards away from us.  I rolled up our window.

Meanwhile, this dumbass, who coincidentally has the same red Corolla we did, opened their car door to get a better view of the gators.  The gator is that little brown bump in the lower right corner.  Two questions for this Darwin Award Nominee.  First, we saw how slowly geriatrics move after the infamous soda incident; what chances do you have of surviving when that fast critter comes charging toward you?  Second, how does taking one step out of the car improve your picture shot when you could just press “zoom”?

This gator started swimming over to us then dipped under water half way.  We didn’t see it resurface for at least three minutes.  I bet it wanted to get its revenge for its sibling that became our tasty gator cheesecake.  

That's right.  Swim away.

A lively hood ornament.

Dinner was ready for us when we came back to Ft. Lauderdale.  I got some pictures of everyone shacked up there, except for Chris.  He was being a punk.

Bill, my step-mom's dad

Mary, Chris's mom.  She was staying with them while her house was being renovated.

Ken, one of their friends, with Brie.

Brie being hyper.

Pinot with his mustache.

SLC: So long!

SLC was a vacation from our vacation.  Rather than visit a different city each day, we relaxed and spent time with family.  It was sad leaving everyone, but at least we had fun on our last day. 

My niece Lily begged us to go to Jump & Bounce, which is a place for kids and adults to aptly jump and bounce on a dozen moon bounces.  We adults were a bit skeptical, but it was actually a lot of fun.

Helped burn off the soon-to-be-consumed calories from In-N-Out.

The best part?  Having In-N-Out for dinner.

Note Kayla all the way on the left trying to avoid being in the picture.  Too bad, sucker!

For those of you who have never tried it, this is how I describe it: It tastes like McDonalds, if it were good.

The Double-Double.

If you like McDonalds, then you need to get your tastebuds checked out, then head to the West Coast and get yourself some fresh and fine tasting In-N-Out.

Ayk's a believer now.

Timmy initially didn’t want his burger and whined about how he wanted some soda.

He took one bite and completely forgot about the soda.

The little one apparently doesn't like water.

Hats, on the other hand, delicious.

Before we left, we got a few hugs...

took a dozen pictures of the same pose...

Literally dozens, and this is the best one.

This is a close second.  That is not me trying to be funny, it really is the second best picture.

And I got dogpiled.

Until next time, SLC!

SLC: Salty Lakes

As if the salted caramels weren’t enough to sate our saline quota of the day, we decided to visit the Great Salt Lake.  Generally when a place is named after a geographical point of interest, the locals are proud to show it to you (e.g. Lake Tahoe).  Not so with Salt Lake City.  Every time I’ve visited Salt Lake City I’ve asked about visiting the eponymous lake, only to be answered with, “Why would you want to go there?”  This time I finally got my foolish wish.

Pictured: Regret

After visiting, now I understand why no one goes there. It looks like a post-apocalyptic world with zombies running around, except nobody – alive or undead – was there.

The defunct lakeside hotel Saltair is eerily similar to the abandoned playgrounds of Chernobyl.

All that could be heard was the buzzing of the speeding cars on the highway.  Dense smog from the nearby factory lingered in the air.  And oh boy did that lake smell.

As if the saltiness of the lake weren’t pungent enough,

thousands of dead brine, similar to krill, washed up on the rocks making the air more malodorous.

The only sense this place didn’t accost was the taste.  But that’s simply because there was nothing there to eat.

Except maybe a rotting bird with a side of brine exoskeleton.

Leave it to this man to want to try the water.  He didn't, thankfully.

I’ll be perfectly honest: I’m not the biggest fan of Salt Lake City.  And I didn't make the decision solely based on the wondrously creep Great Salt Lake.  The skiing is choice, my family is great, and walking around Temple Square is great – if you’re religious – but other that, there’s really nothing there.  Yes, there are some cute little areas and walking in the canyon to see the aspens change color is magnificent, but otherwise I'm underwhelmed.


The city is surrounded by mountains, which sounds picturesque until you realize the smog hovering above the city is permanently stuck there because the mountains prevent the wind from sweeping it away.

Think of a bowl of soup with steam trapped at the top of the bowl -- except it’s poisonous and not delicious.

Mm, mm toxic.

Before you tell me I’m insulting my ancestors who founded Utah with Brigham Young, stop right there.  My dad read the memoirs of one of those ancestors, and apparently she even bitched about how she didn't like Salt Lake City.  Guess discontent for SLC runs in the family.

SLC: Salty Caramels

I love me some chocolates.  If I were a junkie, this would be my smack.  Two years ago Nicole introduced us to V Chocolates, which are the tastiest salted chocolate covered caramels I’ve ever had.  She got us hooked, and when we heard that their factory was in SLC, we couldn’t resist.  After all, the odds of a brewery tour in SLC were slim to none.

Though we did find a Budweiser flag in Nicole's neighborhood.  She says the neighbors are "nice".

Thursday, the last day Ayk and I were there, we decided to do a tour.  It’s a modest factory, and you have to make reservations before hand.  If you don’t make a reservation, like us, you’ll at least get a self-guided tour and all the samples you wanted.

 Kayla and Lucas patiently posing while there's chocolate inside awaiting to be eaten.

 Let me reiterate that: All the samples you want.

.

 Duly noted.

 Thanks for your enthusiasm, boys.

SLC: Skiing Day 1

After arriving late Monday night in Salt Lake City, I stayed up late to write for the blog (you’re welcome).  That made it difficult to get up for skiing Tuesday morning.  Once we got to the mountain at Alta, we realized we shouldn’t even have gone skiing at all.  It was snowing really hard, but thankfully my sister's SUV could handle the weather.  The foolish mid-size cars that did try going up the steep incline slid and shimmied to no avail.

 Suckers.

Though Alta is my favorite ski resort, it certainly isn't the most beginner-friendly.  The altitude can get to people who are unacclimatized and the trails are poorly signed.  Ayk is new to skiing, so you can imagine how hard it was for him  - especially with the blustery weather.  It was snowing so hard that my eyes started watering because I was wearing sunglasses instead of goggles, which I decided to rent later.  I had a difficult time, even though I’ve done these runs before.  It was snowing so hard that if my eyes weren't watering from the snow hitting my eyes, then I would've cried anyway.  Yes, I'm a pansy.  It got even worse when we mistakenly took a moderately difficult run for an easy run.  He fell a few times, and I had to give him pointers on how to finish the run.


Seeing Ayk have difficulty with the run made me think of a painful experience when I went skiing with my family in Steamboat, CO:  I was 8-years-old and fairly new at skiing.  Despite our lack of skills, our dad insisted that my sisters and I go down a black diamond with him.  We all - including my mom - vociferously protested.  I guess my dad thought if he pushed us, then we would have a great time.  Not so.  The slope was riddled with moguls.  Nicole and I complained the whole time (I even cried), while Jessica just laughed.  I think it's her way of coping.  All three of us were forced to slide down the slope on our butts.  To this day I still have a fear of moguls and avoid them whenever I can.  At least we got down safely.


We decided to take it easy for a bit.  Eventually the visibility got so bad that I decided to call it quits for the day.

Dad and Ayk before hitting the slopes.  Figuratively and literally speaking, respectively.

Later after resting, we joined my family.  My stepsister Kayla has a boyfriend named Matteo, whom I prefer to call "Mah-taaay-oo".  His family was at Alta while we were there that day.  Aww, puppy love so adorable that they plan their family vacations together.

A dog (presumably in Dr. Petrera’s pickup) representing their puppy love. PWECIOUS! 

Mah-taaay-oo’s mom even asked me if I was the one with the blog.  I feel so famous.  Keep spreading the word, dear readers!