Drive to New Orleans

Shiner Brewery Tour
Shiner Brewery is the smallest brewery we visited on our trip.  It's a shame we weren't allowed to take any pictures of the tour, because it’s really the best we saw.  It’s a small facility, but that’s what makes it so great.  Unlike the tours of brewery behemoths like Miller and Coors, could see the whole entire production line in action: bottling, capping, labeling, and boxing.  And of course the sampling was fun.  I got a little tipsy and told our life stories to the bartenders. Should’ve just told them to visit the blog.

The only traffic light in the small town of Shiner.

We might not have gotten a picture inside the brewery, but no one is stopping us from taking a picture outside of it.

Just a staged shot, but man that would've been awesome if we could pour our own drinks.

Whataburger

Ayk had way many more zingers for Whataburger than I did, so I asked him if he wanted to write this post.  He gladly accepted:

Fifteen miles past downtown Houston, we felt a sense of relief (as we were glad to be out of Houston's traffic), but also a sense of hunger. The previous time I had visited Houston I was on a job interview.  Another candidate had told me about Whataburger and I was interested in dropping by at some point during our southern excursion.  Houston happened to be the place.

Houston: The Bypass City

Whataburger combines the poor quality of McDonald's with the indecisiveness of ordering at Five Guys.  That is to say, we didn't care for it.  It may have only been our particular cashier, but placing an order was a test of wills.  Much like Five Guys, you can order your burger with any toppings you want.  Except for one twist: the cashier will make you second-guess just about every decision you make.  For example, I started my order with "I would like lettuce, pickles, onions--"

  "So, no tomatoes?" the cashier interrupted.  Then, a pause.

  "Yeah."

  "So you want tomatoes?"

  "No.  No tomatoes."  

Repeat some variation of this dialog for each topping.  Karmen's order was switched from onions and grilled jalapeños to jalapeños and grilled onions without her consent.  It took about a minute of back-and-forth before Karmen gave up.  After that grueling process, our order was complete and we awaited our meals.

Each sticker denotes a hard-fought battle.

Verdict: Awful.  The meat was dry, as were the whole-wheat buns.  The lukewarm fries were more spongy than either crispy or soft.

It looks like they boiled the meat patty.  And yet it was still dry.

At least Whataburger made a lasting impression:  the lingering stench and greasy film won't leave your hands and face until you scrub them both with a Brillo pad.  Also, indigestion.

Whataburger?  More like Whateverburger.

Louisiana

After that long drive, our Texas adventure was over.  We drove across the Atchafalaya Basin Bridge, one of the longest in the world, and later the Mississippi River before arriving in Baton Rouge.  We found a sketchy motel (aren't those the best?) in New Orleans late at night.  We really wanted a quaint B&B in the Garden District, but they were all booked up for Valentine's Weekend.  Oh well.  Our romantic month-long getaway sure beats those couples' weekend getaways.

Our "saintly" savior...New Orleans awaits!

Keep Austin Weird

Austin's weird. It’s a lot like Hampden without the 60s campy flair.  But a lot weirder.  I dig it, since I'm weird myself.  I actually prefer "quirky"; It sounds more endearing.  Intrigued by the city’s celebration of their eccentricity, I asked a couple of locals for their theories on how their fair city became so peculiar.  Ayk and I threw in a few theories of our own.  It's a bit of reading, so I threw in some pictures of weird signs in Austin for those of you who need a break from words.

Pangaea Epicenter Theory

Our server at Ruby’s says that Austin’s appeal to the unique is a matter of location, location, location. Thousands of years ago, all the continents one huge landmass called Pangaea.  The moment when continents collided creating Pangaea, Austin was at the center of the new landmass.  This geologic energy of this new formation drew in all types of people.  This is a weird theory about weirdness proposed by a weird person, so you have to be inclined to believe it.

Liberal Haven Theory

Texas is a largely conservative state.  Oddly enough, its capital is a very liberal city.  Ayk and I theorize that it’s become a refuge for any Texan who doesn’t fit into the standard-issue Bible-wielding, rootin’-tootin’ mold.  Once they reach their newfound liberal haven, they just break free and let it all hang out.  The University of Texas probably served as the rallying point for this weirdness at some point in the past.

Support Local Shops Theory

While enjoying a beer on a 6th Street bar, we asked our bartender why he thinks Austin’s weird.  He wasn’t into the whole “weird” scene.  His interpretation for the “Keep Austin Weird” slogan was really an effort to show their pride in their local businesses.  Unlike most cities taken over by large retailers, most national chains don’t last long in Austin.  Instead, the locals favor the mom-and-pop shops.  That warmed my heart, since the store I managed was a local store.  Their slogan beats Baltimore’s “Believe” campaign.

Sign on the left: "Shop Weird.  Shop Local.  Shop Toy Joy."

Weird Water Theory

Taking the “It must be something in the water” as a serious theory seems like a cop out, but if I had to drink and bathe in that water all the time, I’d be weird (er) too.  It’s honestly the worst water I’ve ever tasted.  Don’t ask me to describe what it tastes like, because it's a medley of every disgusting water I’ve ever tasted concentrated in one glass.  It might as well be the sweat collected from Satan’s ass.  Yes, it’s that awful.  When I ordered a glass of water at the bar, the bartender asked, “Lime or lemon?”  I responded, “Both," but even the dual citrus couldn't mask its nastiness.  Maybe all that geological energy under Austin made its way into the water supply.

Just in time for Valentine's Day

Battle of the Briskets: Rudy’s vs. Ruby’s vs. Ironworks

Beef is to Texas as crabs are to Maryland.  Sorry for the frightening flashback to SAT days, but it’s true:  both beef and crabs are vital to their respective state’s culture and economy.  Just like it would be a shame not to have steamed crabs (or crab cake if you’re too much of a pansy to crack open our crimson crustacean), it would be wrong not to try Texas’ BBQ beef brisket.  In the 30 hours we were there, we had brisket three times at three different restaurants.  You might call it going overboard; we call it being thorough.  Here’s our review of each place we visited:

Rudy’s

We both had friends recommend that we visit Rudy's.  It was described as a gas station restaurant, which made it seem a little sketchy.  I envisioned a rickety hole-in-the-wall wood shack.  Far from it.  Rudy’s is actually a chain of many restaurants, each of which has that famous, down-home Texas decor.  It just happens to be located at gas stations.  So don't let that bother you, because it's well worth a visit.

The first good sign:  the restaurant smelled like smoke.  Not holy-shit-call-the-fire-department smoke, but holy-shit-that’s-good-BBQ smoke.  Second, the cashier has that warm, southern hospitality that you’d expect from a local.  Third, they offer free samples to all "rookies", so be sure to take advantage.  Lastly, their signature moist brisket was oh-so-scrumptous.  This restaurant wins for best-tasting brisket.  The sauce was good, but nothing remarkable.

Moist brisket

Moist brisket, pork ribs, and sides

Lone Star: Texas :: Natty Boh: Maryland.  Yay, analogies! 

Ayk in front of the smokehouse. 

Rudy's has a disturbing sense of humor.

Ruby’s

At the statehouse, we asked our tour guide where to eat.  He recommended Ruby’s.  We told him we already ate at Rudy’s, but he told us there was a difference.  The most obvious (other than spelling): where Rudy’s typifies the typical Texan friendly atmosphere, Ruby’s embodies all that is weird in Austin.  Don’t get me wrong – they’re friendly; they’re just weird.  And I dig it.

Forget about the weirdness -- that sauce is phenomenal.  Ayk said he preferred the brisket at Rudy’s.  I was too busy falling in love with the savory and spicy sausage.  This scrumptious sausage didn’t need any sauce, but I slathered it on anyway.  The sauce’s perfect blend of smoky and spiciness was so good that we actually ate it by the spoonful.  The baked beans (who knew we’d feature them so many times on this trip?) were also spicy and so tasty.  Clearly, everything was spicy here – except for their creamy potato salad.  I actually hated potato salad until I tried theirs.  That’s how good they are at Ruby’s.

Spicy sausage with Ruby's sauce, baked beans, and mustard potato salad

Beef brisket sandwich topped with cole slaw

Our server, Aidan. 

Ironworks

The same friends who recommended Rudy’s also recommended Salt Lick.  We planned to go there for dinner, but apparently it’s a 30-40 minute drive from Austin.  We were already on 6th Street checking out one of the bars when a patron recommended Ironworks, which was only a few blocks away.  Figuring it must be good if the locals recommended it, we decided to save the hassle and go to Ironworks instead of Salt Lick.

We soon regretted that decision.  Ironworks, which has apparently won a few awards and received praise in national publications, only disappointed us.  The sauce was so unappetizing that I didn’t use it after the first taste.  Ayk’s biggest concern was the meat’s lack of smokiness.  (Ayk's note:  "After all, isn't that the soul of BBQ?").  The bland sides and the bland service added to our discontent.  It would’ve been worth it to drive out to Salt Lick instead of eating at that letdown.

At least we finally got some vegetables.

Austin 2

Lake Travis

The Oasis is a huge bar overlooking Lake Travis a half hour away from Austin on yet another windy road.  The bar is as large and tackily decorated as Seacrets.  During the off-season, it’s as desolate as the Great Salt Lake.

Carsickness headache.

Lake Travis 

It was 22 F in Austin when we visited.  Those are icicles hanging from the bucket.

Actually, the decor is worse than Seacrets.

Lucky Lizard

Some embrace Austin’s weirdness, while others exploit it.  We went to the Lucky Lizard, which is part store, part museum, and all weird.  Its Museum of the Weird, which is the modern version of a Dime museum, showcases a few freak-show items – few real, most fake.  We even got a tarot card reading.  Unless you’re into that stuff, I would save yourself the money and just check out the store, but be prepared for the hard sell on their t-shirts.

 Bird: Real; Gator: Fake.

Fiji Mermaid: Fake 

Two-headed cow: Fake 

Lizards: Real and squirmy. 

Ayk seeking sage advice from a creepy robot.

6^th Street

Austin is the Live Music Capitol of the World.  Or so they say.  Our friends recommended we visit Stubb’s, but they didn’t have any live shows on a Wednesday night.  Instead we went to Friends and Dizzy Rooster.  They had decent cover bands, but I’m sure we would’ve seen something better if we were there on a weekend.

Ads don't lie.

Dear Austin: Parallel parking is not supposed to be front-end first.  Learn how to park properly.  It’s not that hard.  You can always try again.  (Ours is the red car actually close to the curb).

Austin 1

Texas State History Museum

After spending 10 minutes in the museum’s lobby trying to figure out whether or not we wanted to shell out the money for the tour (we are unemployed after all), one of the tour guides – wearing a black leather jacket and a black cowboy hat – asked us if we need help.  We chatted with him for a bit as he gave us sightseeing suggestions.  Oddly enough, none of them included the museum tour, and so we decided to forgo the museum tour.  As we thanked him for his tips when we headed out, he tipped his hat and wished us a good day.

Floor of the museum. 

I'm a star!

State House

With such little time to see Austin, we didn’t have time to see the Alamo an hour south.  If you’re short on time, just go get a free tour of the State House.  They give you the whole story of the Alamo while giving you some really interesting facts about Texas.  Did you know Texas was the first state to elect a woman Governor shortly after women were given the right to vote?  Kudos!

Everything is bigger in Texas.

That star is actually 8 feet across. 

Each flag represents a nation that at one time claimed ownership over Texas.

Harry Ransom Center

This free museum on the campus of the University of Texas features two permanent exhibits that were seminal in the course of history: The Gutenberg Bible -- the first book printed with movable type, and the first photograph ever taken.  The center also has new exhibits every six months, and we were able to see a Tennessee Williams exhibit as well.

Gutenberg Bible.  There were less than 300 made.

Old Testament on the left and New Testament on the right. 

It's hard to tell, but it's a 19th century French town.  Here's a clearer picture.

Drive to Austin

Texas: Home to a widely misused anti-littering campaign slogan and a buffoonish president who misused said slogan as a bellicose mantra.

I’m not sure if you know this, but Texas is huge.  So huge that apparently everything is bigger there.  So they say.  In this case, size isn’t everything.  The nine-hour long drive from Carlsbad, NM to Austin, TX is a whole lot of nothing.

More windmills.  The most exciting thing we saw for hours.

To entertain ourselves, I convinced Ayk to wear this spiffy moustache I got from a vending machine in Coachella, CA.

So dapper! Natty Boh would be proud.

Muwhaha!

Don’t think for a second that we kept those wonderful whiskers to ourselves.  He still wore it as we strolled around Fredericksburg, a quaint town a half-hour away from Austin.  If you couldn’t tell by the name, it was founded by German settlers.  We definitely got a few looks.

Flaunting his moustache wasn’t the only reason we stopped there; we also checked out a local microbrew. Makes sense, considering that’s the German’s hooch of choice.  Too bad the beer was disappointing.  A light-bodied IPA sure sounds refreshing, but this brewery forgot to add flavor.  At least we got to walk on the sidewalk drinking it.  So far, Texas ain’t that bad.

Enjoying my beer in public.

We couldn't bear to part with the moustache, so we put it on the car's radio.  We called him Ped-radio.  He became our mascot.  Driving for hours on end will make anything funny.