Carolinas

South Carolina 

We made a few detours in the Carolinas before we headed back to Charm City. Had it been warmer, we would've visited Hilton Head or Outer Banks. Wintertime is no time to visit any beach north of Florida. Instead, we visited South Cackalacky's second-best tourist destination: South of the Border. Probably the best part of South of the Border isn't the actual amusement park/ souvenir shops; it's the countless number of billboards hundreds of miles before the actual tourist trap.  I guess that's one thing South Carolina has something in common with South Dakota aside from the "South" distinction.

North Carolina

More exciting than that kitsch eyesore was seeing the terminus of Route 13, another highway that intersects our hometown of Salisbury.

After those quick stops, we headed back to Baltimore.  We were finally headed home.

Key West: Sunset

Sunset at Mallory Square

Everyone who has ever been to Key West says watching the sunset at Mallory Square is the thing to do.  Though I’m not sure it’s what the locals do, it does draw a massive crowd.  Thousands of tourists pack themselves into the tiny pier to see street performers, buy kitschy artwork and jewelry, eat street food and – of course – watch the sun sink into the Gulf of Mexico.

Think of it as where the Venice Beach frequenters go for vacation when they retire; just replace Sublime with Jimmy Buffet, weed with booze, and skateboarders with tightrope walkers. It’s definitely not our scene, but we got a kick out of watching the patrons as much as the street performers.

One man's trash is another's way to sell overpriced trash to tourists. 

Ayk took this picture and it is possibly one of the best from the entire trip.

It took us at least 5 tries and 4 different locations for us to get this picture right.  I had to swerve in and out of the densely packed crowd, dragging Ayk behind me, to find the best spot.  I might have gotten a few dirty looks, but at least my persistence paid off.  This is one of my favorite pictures of us from the trip.

Some religious nut making Glenn Beck look almost sane.

Captivating an audience of two.

Austin 2

Lake Travis

The Oasis is a huge bar overlooking Lake Travis a half hour away from Austin on yet another windy road.  The bar is as large and tackily decorated as Seacrets.  During the off-season, it’s as desolate as the Great Salt Lake.

Carsickness headache.

Lake Travis 

It was 22 F in Austin when we visited.  Those are icicles hanging from the bucket.

Actually, the decor is worse than Seacrets.

Lucky Lizard

Some embrace Austin’s weirdness, while others exploit it.  We went to the Lucky Lizard, which is part store, part museum, and all weird.  Its Museum of the Weird, which is the modern version of a Dime museum, showcases a few freak-show items – few real, most fake.  We even got a tarot card reading.  Unless you’re into that stuff, I would save yourself the money and just check out the store, but be prepared for the hard sell on their t-shirts.

 Bird: Real; Gator: Fake.

Fiji Mermaid: Fake 

Two-headed cow: Fake 

Lizards: Real and squirmy. 

Ayk seeking sage advice from a creepy robot.

6^th Street

Austin is the Live Music Capitol of the World.  Or so they say.  Our friends recommended we visit Stubb’s, but they didn’t have any live shows on a Wednesday night.  Instead we went to Friends and Dizzy Rooster.  They had decent cover bands, but I’m sure we would’ve seen something better if we were there on a weekend.

Ads don't lie.

Dear Austin: Parallel parking is not supposed to be front-end first.  Learn how to park properly.  It’s not that hard.  You can always try again.  (Ours is the red car actually close to the curb).

South Dakota: Day Two

 

Wall Drug

Before we headed to the Badlands on Saturday, we woke up and headed to Wall Drug – another tourist attraction you see billboards for almost 300 miles away.  

 

Badlands

Heading into the Badlands, I was a little worried after seeing a sign that said “Beware: Prairie Dogs Have Plague.”   Terrific!  What better time to catch a medieval disease while unemployed with no health insurance.  Ayk told me I wouldn’t have to worry unless I started playing with them.  Dammit, I really wanted one as a pet, too.

I got over that fear pretty quickly after being awestruck with the most spectacular view we had seen so far.  We both agreed it looked like Cappedocia, Turkey.  He's Turkish and has visited multiple times, and I visited once when I was 18.  His Turkish heritage is just one of the many reasons why he's so awesome.

Like I said, I wouldn’t have ever thought to come here during the winter, but seeing the landscape sprinkled with snow was breathtaking.

Mt. Rushmore

It might be a national treasure, but I still say it’s kitsch.  Don’t get me wrong – I get it.  It’s a timeless honor of our nation’s four of the greatest presidents.  It’s still rather gaudy.

Repping Maryland Pride

 Studying the maps intensely

The dumb chick who took this picture cut off George Washington's head, so here's a close up of him below:

Mt. Rushmore may not be the highlight of this trip, but it at least gives us some patriotic photos.

South Dakota: Day One

South Dakota: Home to corn based buildings, plague-ridden prairie dogs and mountains that smile right back.

South Dakota is rarely the first place people consider traveling in the winter – let alone summer – but man, are they missing out.  To tell the truth we thought South Dakota was going to be the dullest part of our drive.  We drove through there on Friday after leaving frigid Minnesota.

I was pretty skeptical, considering their biggest tourist attraction appeared to the Corn Palace.  They had puntastic billboards for the Corn Palace more than a hundred miles before the exit, so we figured we should check it out.  It’s quirky, but I dig it.

The corn mosaics on the facade are changed every year.

Shucks, they really love their corn.

We took back our cynical remarks once we passed the Missouri River.  It was absolutely stunning.  I had no idea South Dakota could be so beautiful.

We stayed the night in Wall, which is really close to Badlands and Mt. Rushmore.  I didn’t bother to take pictures of the restaurant we ate at, because our food was overpriced and bland.  It costs almost as the hotel room that night, which was a steal.  At least we saved money somewhere.